For Once, I Want to be Fought For
by ascarletmaximuffin
Summary: In the wake of the Winter War, Ichigo finds herself careening towards rock bottom. And with her friends having abandoned her "for her own good", no one seems to see it. It's a good thing Vizards look after their own. (Or the one where Ichigo gets the family she deserves) fem!Ichigo, abusive!Isshin
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey everyone! This is my first attempt at a Bleach fanfic. I recently got back into all the anime I used to watch and decided to give it a try. We'll see how this goes. I hope you like. (Also, this story is posted on AO3 as well, just in case you run into it there.)**

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 **Chapter 1:**

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They should have done it a long time ago. Back when she was just a tiny thing cowering in the corner while her father, if the man can even be called that, screamed at her in a drunken rage. Her arms wrapped around her stomach where she had been kicked and a nasty gash on her forehead from a bottle thrown with too good of aim. They should have stepped in. But Kisuke, arriving not long after they had, assured them it wouldn't happen again.

Told them that Isshin wasn't handling his wife's death well and was too drunk to realize what he had done to Ichigo. Like that was some kind of fucking excuse.

Kisuke swore that Isshin would get help, and Ichigo would be fine. That taking her away would do more harm than good in the long run.

But looking down at the petite orangette shivering under a number of blankets, purple and blue staining the area around her eye and the left side of her face, Shinji isn't sure he'll ever be able to forgive himself for not kidnapping the young vizard years ago.

"It's okay, Berry-tan," Mashiro says, petting her head gently.

'No,' he thinks. 'No it fuckin' ain't.'

.

It's Isshin's fault. Isshin and the entire goddamn Gotei 13.

The war is long and hard. There are casualties on both sides. At the center of it is a girl. A sixteen year old child who never had a chance. From the moment she was born, her life had been decided for her. The Shinigami-Quincy hybrid with a hollow living inside of her. Their trump card over Aizen. And really, how pathetic is that? Relying on a mere child to save their asses.

The Shinigami like to think of themselves as good and just.

Shinji sometimes wonders if they're the real monsters in this story.

Because he honestly doesn't know what's worse. The fact that everyone was willing to sacrifice Ichigo for the greater good, or the fact that Ichigo marched willingly to her possible death, because she felt that she had to. Not because she wanted to fight. But because she had been raised for this. Molded into the perfect soldier and lead to the fight like a lamb to slaughter.

Her life had been stolen from her the moment people realized her potential.

It isn't fair.

.

Ichigo is a tiny thing when they first meet.

All wavy orange hair and big brown eyes, hiding behind her mother's skirt.

Masaki laughs, ruffling the girls hair gently. "Don't be shy, Ichigo. They're old friends of your father's. Say hello." Shinji winces at the term 'friend'. He wouldn't use that word to describe their relationship. More like acquaintances occasionally forced to interact. The only reason they bothered to show up today was because Masaki personally came to invite them. A four-year old's birthday party isn't really their thing.

Especially if it's for Isshin's brat,

She peaks out from behind Masaki, staring up at them with wide, curious eyes. "'ello," she says softly, still clinging tightly to her mother. A pause. "Tanks fer comin'," she says, a little grin on her face, before ducking back behind her mother.

And dammit, if she isn't the cutest thing. He can almost feel the metaphorical ice around his heart starting to melt as she stares up at them with those too big eyes. The other's must be similarly affected because by the end of the day, she has them wrapped around her tiny finger.

All of them. Though they will lately vehemently deny this fact to anyone who asks.

Even Hiyori eventually succumbs to the cute little monster's pull and finds herself sitting at a miniature table serving tea to stuffed animals. Shinji may or may not have taken pictures for future blackmail opportunities.

Towards the end of the day, when Ichigo is thoroughly tired out from the festivities (such as making Kensei give her pony rides), instead of climbing into her mother or father's lap, Shinji finds himself with an armful of small sleeping child.

He also finds that he doesn't mind as much as he should.

.

They call her a hero.

The Seiretei celebrates their victory.

Sure, they won. Aizen is gone. But at what cost?

Ichigo sits in a place of honor, surrounded by people congratulating her and slapping her on the back. No one seems to notice to haunted look in her eyes. The bags underneath them from sleepless nights. The way she's curling on herself, like she's trying to disappear. No one wants to see the damage they inflicted on her.

They force themselves to not notice the reiatsu spikes at night, or the choked off screams that follow. Don't want to see their hero as weak. Don't want to see the scared little girl that they threw the wolves suffering because of them.

Shinji watches as Ichigo forces a smile onto her face as another person comes to speak with her, and he has to fight down the building rage and urge to knock their faces in on Ichigo's behalf. How dare they?

Can't they see?

Can't they see what they've done?

.

It would be a lie to say they didn't grow attached to the orangette.

By the time she's five years old, the eight of them are a constant presence in the cheerful, if a little crybaby-ish, girl's life. Should they regret getting so attached? Probably. But do they? Not a bit.

The first day of kindergarten, Shinji stands next to Masaki and waves to Ichigo as she crosses the street to join her classmates. Isshin had business at the clinic and hadn't bothered to show. Surprise, surprise.

Kensei is the one who threatened the little punks who started picking on her for her oddly colored hair and sent her home in tears more than once. The disapproving look he receives from Masaki is worth it in his book.

Ichigo is very bright for her age, and quickly goes through her small collection of 'boring kids books'. Lisa, after a few reminders that Ichigo is just a child, finds titles appropriate for her age and secretly drops them off in her room every other week while she isn't there. The little squeal of joy she emits each time brings a smile to her face.

Hiyori is the one who encourages her to throw her first punch. After the umpteenth time the little strawberry has come home crying from being bullied, Hiyori had had enough and spent an afternoon teaching her how to defend herself. She laughs maniacally the next day when she is informed Ichigo beat the snot out of three older kids.

If there's one thing the brat is not, it's delicate. She's rough and easily riled up. More often than not when they see her, she is covered in scrapes and bruises from her escapades around the neighborhood terrorizing all the other children. Hachi heals them with a patient smile and gently reminds her to be nice to the other children. He merely sighs and shakes his head when a few days later she is sent home for biting someone.

Mashiro is the fun one. And Ichigo fucking adores her. Especially after she lets Ichigo dress up as a princess and order everyone around for the day. There may have been cake for breakfast and silly string involved. Masaki was not pleased.

Rose is musical. Ichigo is musical. She takes to guitar like a fish takes to water. She can often be heard singing along to Rose's favorite songs, her voice high and clear. Although playing the guitar at 1am instead of sleeping is quickly put to a stop.

When she's seven Love takes her to an anime convention. She comes home with a ridiculous amount of shonen manga. Ichigo is delighted. Masaki is not delighted because they already ran out of space for books and sends them out to buy another bookshelf that they then have to assemble.

It takes them ten hours and five breakdowns to get it right.

Fuck IKEA and their products.

.

When Ichigo breaks it starts slowly, then it happens all at once.

The cracks began forming long before she had met Kuchiki Rukia. Long before she heard the word Shinigami and unlocked her powers. By the time the Soul Society got their hands on her, Kurosaki Ichigo was well on her way to a break down. They just sped things up.

It starts with a single conversation between the soutaichou and Isshin.

The soutaichou, in all his infinite wisdom, feels that Ichigo has done enough, and deserves to just be a normal child.

Shinji snorts. Wonders if the soutaichou is going senile in his old age. How the hell does he expect Ichigo to be normal after this? Dragged into a bloody war created by other people, forced to fight their battles. Hurt so many times for the sake of people who only cared about her for her power. And now they just want her to waltz back into the world of the living and move on with her life like nothing ever happened?

Good fucking luck with that. That kid is screwed for life.

Isshin readily agrees. Wants to give his daughter a chance at a normal life.

The normal life he stole from her.

And so, without even consulting the kid in question, they once again decide what her life is going to be. She's to be cut off from the spirit world. Which is a fucking novel idea considering she somehow managed to hold onto her powers after her Getsuga Tenshou. How the hell are you supposed to separate someone from the thing they are so intimately connected to?

Turns out, they can.

The Shinigami are banned from speaking to her. He can't decide if he's more pissed about the fact that the two men thought that this was for the best, or the fact that everyone went along with it. Didn't hesitate in abandoning the traumatized child they had befriended without so much as a proper goodbye.

Ichigo isn't allowed to know what is currently happening in the Soul Society. Told that it isn't any of her concern.

She is unofficially banned from Urahara Shoten. Every time she shows up, she is quickly shuffled away by an apologetic Kisuke. Even though her friends, Shinigami and human alike are gathered there. Even if her family, her father and her sisters, are there, she is turned away.

"It's nothing to concern yourself with," her father says with a smile, "why don't you run along and have some fun?"

Her friends quickly change the subject every time Ichigo walks into the room, greet her pleasantly, then usually find some excuse to leave.

"Sorry, Ichigo. I Just started a new job and I'm going to be late."

"I'm so sorry, Kurosaki-chan! I promised to meet with Tatsuki later."

"I have business to attend to. I'll see you around Kurosaki."

Isshin says it's for her own good. Says she needs a break from this world in order to process things after everything she's gone through. She's still alive after all, and has an entire human life ahead of her. Ichigo shouldn't have to spend every day worrying about the spirit world and no one was to bother her about it.

It's bullshit. Complete and utter bullshit, and more than a little sad. They don't see the hurt look on her face when they turn and walk away. Miss the way the smile falls off her face one day and never returns. The constant rubbing at her eyes and tremble in her voice whenever she bothers to speak to anyone. Which isn't often these days. They don't see the signs of sleep deprivation or the way her clothes are starting to get baggy on her shrinking frame.

They don't see how's she barely keeping her head above the ever rising water.

The next time he raises his concern and someone brushes him off with a "It's for her own good. She needs time to heal", he gives them a blank look, fingers itching to grab his zanpaktou and run them through with it.

"Are ya fuckin' stupid?"

.

The day Ichigo walks into their warehouse, Shinji can't deny feeling a little giddy. They hadn't seen the kid since she was nine years old. Since her old man decided that they needed to butt out of her life. Oh, they didn't go without a fight, of course. But in the end, Isshin, won. Telling them that Ichigo didn't want to see them anymore. Which he admits, looking back, had been a little suspicious. Why would the kid suddenly reject them without warning?

They had grudgingly backed off though after complaining to Kisuke, who urged them to give the kid some space and let her have time to deal with her mother's death. Some space and some time turned into six years of no communication.

He had missed the little ankle biter.

Missed the excited yells of "Shinji nii-chan!" whenever she saw him.

But when she steps in and looks up at them, there isn't a hint of excitement on her face. None of the joy that used to overtake her whenever her big brothers and sisters came to visit. She gives no indication that she even remembers them. Just gives them the scowl that seems to permanently reside on her face.

A cold feeling settles in his stomach.

This Ichigo is quiet, reserved, with an even shorter fuse than the one she had as a child. The anger practically radiates off her, like she's pissed off at the entire world. A part of him wonders if this is just her being the typically moody teenager, but he can tell that there's something else lurking underneath the surface. Something she's trying to push down and hide under layers and layers of anger and bad attitude. And it's not just her hollow.

He feels stupid for expecting the same Ichigo they had known.

Stupid for leaving her at the mercy of her fucking idiot father and that damned shopkeeper.

.

The Seireitei wants them to come home. The old man sends Kyouraku, Ukitake, and Unohana to personally give them the news. The three captains least likely to cause them to lose their tempers and go on a rampage.

It's a surprisingly easy decision for them to make.

They look at the white haoris', the fukutaichou badges, the offers of other positions. They think of the orange haired child residing in Karakura Town, all alone, slipping farther and farther away as the days went by, and their mind is made up instantly

"You can take it and shove it up your ass!" Hiyori screeches, nearly beaming Ukitake in the head with a badge. "Who the hell do you guys think you are!?"

Kyouraku looks like he is about to protest, but is cut off.

"What she means to say, Kyouraku-taichou, Ukitake-taichou, Unohana-taichou" Lisa says, leveling her former captain with an icy stare, "is that unlike you Shinigami, we do not abandon our comrades. It's all of us, or none of us."

The rest of them agree silently.

The silence stretches on for a few moments. The Vizards hold their ground, daring the captains to say or do anything. Finally, Ukitake sighs, a resigned look on his face.

"The soutaichou isn't going to like this," he says, running a hand through his hair.

"He should have thought about this before being an idiot," Kensei says gruffly, and annoyed look on his face. "He did it to himself. You all did."

And they all know Kensei means much more than just their refusal of their old positions. An uncomfortable look appears on the three captain's faces.

'Good,' Shinji thinks.

There's another tense pause before Unohana breaks the silence again. "And how is Kurosaki-chan? Is she doing well?"

"You would know the answer if any of you bothered to come see her," Hachi cuts in, a cold edge in his voice a change from his usual kind and soft spoken demeanor.

Kyouraku's eyes are shielded by his hat, Ukitake looks away, and Unohana's lips are drawn into a tight line.

"You're all a bunch a fuckin' cowards. That's what ya are."

.

Once, after a long night of training, they find her on the roof of the warehouse, too close to the edge for comfort, reiatsu fluctuating wildly. When they first felt her reiatsu they had all rushed to her in fear that it might be her hollow fighting for control. As they stood there, unsure of what to do, Shinji almost wished it was her hollow. That they knew how to deal with. But this...something just felt very wrong. This wasn't the perpetually angry and closed off teen that wandered in for training weeks ago. This wasn't just teenage angst.

Ichigo doesn't seem to notice them at first, just stands there staring out into the night, a strange expression on her face.

Shinji is the one who steps forward. Slowly, so as not to startle her.

"Ichigo?"

She twitches, but doesn't reply or acknowledge him. Shinji continues to move closer to her until he is standing directly behind her. "Ichigo?" he tries again, placing a hand on her shoulder. Ichigo starts, whirling around to face him. Her eyes are wide and bright, her breathing uneven.

"Hey there. What ya doin' all alone up here?" He tries to make it sound as casual as possible. He is definitely not panicking. Nope.

Ichigo looks at him for a long time, almost like she's searching for something. Whatever it is, she apparently finds it because she relaxes ever so slightly, a little bit of the panic melting away.

"Shinji-nii?" she asks, in a quiet, unsure tone. Almost like she's afraid of what he's going to do or say. And if that doesn't say how upset she is at the moment he doesn't know what does.

Ichigo hasn't referred to him or the other's as big brother or big sister the entire time she's been training with them. Whether it's because she's actually managed to forget about them (which he doubts) or it's because she's still angry about whatever they did to offend her when she was nine and demanded they stop visiting (most likely) he isn't sure. Or maybe it's neither.

Maybe she's angry at them because, like everyone else, they never bothered to sit down and tell her about the world she was part of. Just showed up one day and said 'Surprise! We're not human!'. That's a possibility too.

But that's a discussion for another day. Right now he needs to focus on the current issue. The baby of their little family is standing on the edge of the roof, emotions out of wack. Their baby is hurting.

She looks young in this moment. So damn young. But that's because she is. Everyone seems to conveniently forget that fact when dealing with Ichigo. But he and the other's can't. They still see her as that cute little kid with ribbons in her hair chasing after them with a huge grin on her face, babbling in a mixture of Shinji's Kansai Ben and Masaki's childhood Hakata Ben that often got her strange looks from other Karakura Town residents.

"Onii-chan?" she tries again, voice shaking ever so slightly.

He heaves out a long sigh. "Yeah, Ichi. I'm here. Let's get ya inside, hm?"

She nods, letting him pull her against his side as he walks her back into the warehouse. The other's following closely behind, worry evident on all their faces.

Ichigo lets herself be pushed into a comfy seat, a warm blanket wrapped around her shoulders. She doesn't seem to be injured, but Hachi scans her anyway in an effort to relieve some of his own worries. She doesn't respond much to their questioning, just an occasional yes or no, or a shrug. Refuses to make eye contact with any of them. It's frustrating, but in all honesty, their frustration is aimed more at themselves for not noticing things earlier. For not seeing that something is clearly going on.

But it's not like they were there to see what the hell's been going on, were they?

"...Did I do something wrong?"

"What was that?" he asks, snapping out of his musings.

"Did I do something wrong?" she repeats, a little louder this time. "One day you guys...just stopped...did I do something wrong?"

Shinji is suddenly fighting the urge to go and murder that goat-faced bastard. He wouldn't have...

"Of course not, Ichi-chan," Rose soothes, smoothing back her hair, "you haven't done anything. Why would you think that?"

"You didn't visit. Dad said you didn't want to see me anymore..."

And there goes what little self control he has. He can hear Sakanade roaring in the back of his mind, calling for Isshin's blood. Who gave him the right?

He doesn't know how to fix this. Doesn't know what words to say to even try and begin to make this right. Deep down, Shinji wonders if this situation is even fixable. They fucked up bad. Do they even deserve a second chance? No, probably not. They deserve Ichigo about as much as everyone else does.

Not at all.

But that doesn't mean they're not going to try.

"I'm scared onii-san..."

"Of course you are. We'd be concerned if you weren't."

"Please don't leave again."

"Never."

By God, they were going to fucking try.

.

Shinji remembers the screaming.

Remembers seeing Masaki laying on the ground. Remembers Ichigo sobbing and clutching at her mother's corpse, begging her to wake up. It took two of them to pry the blood-soaked child off her mother. And it took another two hours for her to finally wear herself down and pass out in Mashiro's arms.

He also remembers the weeks that came after, where Isshin was more useless than usual. Where a nine-year old girl was forced to grow up too fast, pushing her trauma to the back of her mind in order to take care of twin girls because daddy was in his room too drunk to help out. He remembers it well.

But the one memory that will always haunt him, the one that fills him with the most regret, is the little girl cowering in the corner while her father loomed over her, arm pulled back ready to hit her, screaming, "YOU'RE FAULT! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! YOU DID THIS!" and that after it happened, he listened to that damn shopkeeper with the stupid hat and walked away.

He walked away. They all walked away.

Not once did they just say the hell with it and try to worm their way back into Ichigo's life. They just left. Left her.

They should have taken her away with them.

.

"Ya don't have ta fight, ya know," Shinji tells her one day.

It's just the two of them, the others are still asleep.

"Of course I do," Ichigo says. "I have to fight."

Shinji squints at her. "Ya don't have ta do anythin'. It ain't your fight. Ya don't owe those Shinigami anythin'."

Ichigo is silent for a moment. "Maybe. Maybe I don't. But I...I have the power to save a lot of people. And if you have the power, why not use it to help? What kind of person would I be if I turned my back on the people that need me? I have a duty to protect people."

No. She has a duty to be a fucking kid. Not to run off and do the adult's dirty work for them. She has a duty to take care of herself, not sacrifice her existence for a world that doesn't give a shit. But that's not the kind of person Kurosaki Ichigo is.

"Besides, if anything happened to you guys and it could have been prevented if I had just done something instead of running and hiding, I would never forgive myself. You're too important to me, Onii-chan. I have to protect you."

"We should be protecting you. Not the other way around."

Ichigo tilts her head, like she doesn't understand what he just said. Like she's not used to people actively wanting to protect her and keep her safe. Yet that's all she does for the people around her, and never expects anything in return. And isn't that just tragic?

.

Moving into a regular home instead of staying in their warehouse is a no brainer.

The Soul Society is no longer hunting them down, so there's no need to hide in a drafty warehouse behind layers of protections in order to stay alive. They can live like normal people for once. And isn't that something? Them, having a normalish life for the first time in over 100 years.

They move as a group, seeing no need to separate after being together all this time. It would be weird to strike it out on their own and not have the others around. Not that any of them will admit to missing each other out loud, of course. They end up purchasing a traditional Japanese style house in the older part of Karakura Town. The neighbors homes are situated farther apart, which is great. They don't need the police called on them when they inevitably do something loud and obnoxious. And there is enough room for all nine of them to have their own space.

All nine of them.

While moving all their shit into their new place, they are careful to leave one room empty of everything except an extra bed, empty dresser, and a desk. Careful to leave space around the house for another person's stuff to collect. An empty spot at the door for another pair of shoes. An extra place at the table.

"Take care of her," Ukitake had told them that day.

"Yeah, because her so called friends certainly aren't up to the job," Shinji shot back, enjoying the guilty looks on their faces.

Like they needed Shinigami to tell them to look after Ichigo. Ichigo is one of them. Part of their little dysfunctional family.

They always take care of their own.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Chapter 2 is here. This story will probably only be 4 or 5 chapters. I'll try to update as quick as I can!**

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 **Chapter 2:**

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Kurosaki Ichigo sucks at a lot of things.

Remembering to feed and water herself at least twice daily, talking at a pace that isn't too fast or too slow with broken, half finished thoughts, going to bed before two in the morning on a school night, and finishing one book before starting another just to name a few. But if there's one thing that she definitely cannot do, one thing that Ichigo is just not designed for, is being alone.

She can't _do_ alone _._ Ichigo is _terrible_ at being alone.

For some reason that Shinji could never figure out, everyone has decided that Ichigo is this aloof and independent being who needs space and desires minimal social interaction. A lone predator, best left to her own devices. Clearly, he is surrounded by idiots.

Who in their right mind would leave that child on her own?

Sure sometimes she enjoys a little solitude, like when she spends a night cooped up in her room, strumming on her guitar and writing lyrics. Or if she's completely exhausted after a crazy day in the utter shitshow that is her life. But what most people don't seem to understand is that Ichigo is most at ease when surrounded by the people she cares about. For someone who is classified as so "aloof and independent", she craves human contact like nothing else.

Whether it's going out and doing something, or just curling up on the couch next to someone in comfortable silence, she'll take any type of interaction she can get. Which, when Shinji stops to think about it, makes his blood boil at just how affection-starved the kid is.

The point is, Ichigo should not be left to her own devices.

Which is why they shamelessly tail her wherever she goes once her friends and family abandon her without warning. Ichigo never goes anywhere without one of them close by.

They don't always make contact with her, or try to speak to her. Ichigo brushes them off more often than not, not in the mood to talk. Not really trusting them after being betrayed by everyone else. But they're always there, just in case. Trying to gently remind her that she's not alone as she may feel. That they're still here and aren't going anywhere anytime soon.

So whether or not she wants them there, they stay by her side.

Lurking outside of her school or, in some cases, in the back of her classroom on the days she seems particularly anxious about being there, just in case she needs a quick exit. Sitting at a nearby table in her favorite little cafe whenever she can manage being around so many strangers in such a small place, which isn't many days. The crowds and the noise seem to agitate her lately. When she stays late at the library to avoid going home to her father and sisters, one of them casually roams up and down the many shelves, and occasionally slip healthy snacks and small meals onto the table next to her. She hasn't been eating enough lately.

The only place they don't go is the Kurosaki house. They follow her there to make sure she arrives safely, sometimes wait outside a few to make sure nothing happens, but they don't go inside. That would just end in a fight with Isshin, and while they all would like to knock his teeth in, they don't want to stress Ichigo out more than she already is.

Even if it pained them to let her keep walking into that house instead of taking her home with them where she belonged.

.

Shinji finds her at the river one day, after an hour of searching. For someone with such high reiatsu, she'd gotten scarily good at hiding her presence from others.

If it had been anyone else, they probably wouldn't have been able to find her. But Shinji, thankfully, knew the little strawberry well enough to track her down. He checked the school first, just in case, but she had skipped again. He should have expected this. Her attendance left much to be desired lately. He checked the library, her favorite cafe, the wooded area that she sometimes like to walk in, and the cemetery. When she had been at none of these places, he knew that there was only one other place in Karakura the girl could have gone to.

That damn river.

And he was right.

She's pacing back and forth when he gets there. Arms wrapped tightly around herself like she's trying to hold herself together, a miserable expression on her face.

It's a throwback to nine-year old Ichigo. A lost little girl who didn't know what to do with herself after seeing her mother brutally murdered. When she wasn't looking after her sisters, she had been here. Just pacing and pacing, sitting down when she got tired, then getting up and pacing again. It had been sad to watch then. It tugs at his heart just as much now. It's hard to watch someone suffer and not know what to do to help.

Shinji's not sure if he should interrupt or let her wear herself out like they did when she was small and then take her home.

He eventually decides to let her get some of the nervous energy out of her system and _then_ interrupt her. So he waits, watches her pace and pace. Occasionally pausing to stare into the spot where Grand Fischer's lure once deceived her, or at the spot where her mother's body had lain, then going back to pacing. It's a good twenty minutes before Ichigo plops down in the grass with a barely audible sigh.

He gives it another minute and when he's sure Ichigo isn't going to start moving again, he slowly makes his way to stand next to the teen, making his approach as noticeable as possible in an effort not to startle her.

Ichigo tenses and turns to look at him.

"Shinji-nii? You're here?" She blinks.

"Yup. And so are you. Aren't ya supposed ta be in school, young lady?" he asks in a mock scolding tone, plopping down in the grass next to her.

She blinks slowly at him, her expression that of surprise and a little confusion.

"I...yeah. I guess."

"So why ya out here then? I mean, far be it from me ta comment on your studyin' habits. I certainly didn' attend all of my classes when I was young, but ya've kinda been pushin' it lately, haven' ya?"

And really, she is. She's been out of school for almost a solid two weeks. Her grades had dropped significantly according to Lisa who regularly checked her online reports. How the woman got the password he doesn't know, but she's always been particularly invested in Ichigo's schoolwork.

Another slow blink. "Maybe."

Shinji gives her a flat look. "I'm not gettin' anywhere, am I?"

Ichigo shrugs.

He sighs, of course he's not. Why should he expect her to keep up with coursework when she can barely keep up with daily life? School isn't the main concern right now. That problem could be fixed later.

"I can't," she says softly after a moment, that miserable expression overtaking her face again. She's staring at the river again, refusing to meet his eyes. "I can't stand going into that place and seeing everyone and knowing they don't want me there."

Shinji sighs, once again fighting down the urge to draw Sakanade and kick some ass. This town has been increasing his homicidal tendencies exponentially these past few months.

"Yeah, I thought as much. I'm sorry, kid."

Sorry that she's going through such a hard time? Sorry that the people she chose as friends are complete trash? Sorry that she had been born into a family that included a father that didn't give a shit and two ungrateful little sisters? Sorry that he left her seven years ago and allowed a situation like this to happen? He has a lot of things to be sorry for.

Ichigo's head jerks in his direction. "Sorry?" She frowns. "What are you sorry for?"

"Sorry that ya got suck with a bunch o' good for nothin' idiots as your friends."

Her frown deepens at that. She looks almost offended and for a moment, Shinji expects her to fire off on him like she normally does when he says something she doesn't particularly agree with. But as quick as it comes, the little spark of the old Ichigo is gone and she fades back into the shell she's become.

"They're not that bad. I probably-" she begins, only to fall silent when she catches sight of the look on Shinji's face. The steely eyes and barely contained rage making her flinch back. "S-Shinji-nii?"

"Don't," he starts, trying to keep calm. "Don't keep defendin' those morons. Don't keep blamin' yerself for them bein' fuckin' stupid. Here ya are, sittin' here, day after day, wonderin' what ya did wrong. What ya did to make your friends hate ya. But the truth is, ya didn't do anythin'. It's _them_. Ya didn't make them stop talking to ya. Ya didn't make them avoid ya like the damn plague. Ya didn't make them decide ta cut ya off from everythin' ya know. _They_ did that. Your so called friends made the decision ta leave ya behind. To treat ya like shit. And you're lettin' them get ta ya. You just keep waitin' 'round for the day they finally come 'round and say sorry for bein' shitty people. And I bet ya'd forgive them in a damn heartbeat and go crawlin' right back ta them. Even though they clearly don't give much of a damn about ya if they can do this ta ya and not care."

Ichigo is frozen in place, staring at him with wide eyes and something so shaken and hurt in her expression it almost makes Shinji feel bad. Her lower lip quivers and he can see her eyes starting to water.

He softens a little at this, letting some of the anger and aggression fade away. This isn't what she needs right now.

"Ichigo. Your friends- this ain't how friendship works. D'ya understand? Ichigo, _friends don't do this._ They don't only give ya the time of day when they need somethin' from ya. They don't leave ya behind when ya need them. It ain't right. It ain't fair to ya. And ya shouldn' be puttin' up with it. Friendship ain't supposed ta _hurt_."

There is a tense silence between them and he can feel Ichigo's reiatsu fluctuating wildly.

Shinji regards the girl next to him, but doesn't say anything else, giving her a chance to think about what he just said. He looks at the river, and at the spot where they found Ichigo next to Masaki's body that day. Then he looks up at the sky and notices the clouds. A few sprinkles begin to fall. The storm is getting closer.

"I know-," Ichigo begins to say, then pauses, dragging a hand through her hair unbrushed hair. "I know they're being kind of awful right now and I don't know why. I mean, I've tried so hard. I've done everything-" her voice cracks and she rubs at her eyes harshly. "But they're the only friends I've ever had."

Shinji winces at this. It's true. Ichigo has never been good at connecting with the kids from her neighborhood or at school. When she had mentioned her friend Chad during training all those months ago, they had all nearly fallen over in shock.

"Why does everyone always leave, nii-chan?"

And there it is. The root of about a third of Ichigo's problems. Her voice is nearly inaudible at this point, but Shinji heard it. And if he wasn't feeling homicidal before...

"Well I wouldn' say everyone left ya. I'm still here. The others are still here. Or did ya think we'd up and disappear too?"

Ichigo blinks. "Yoruichi said the old man wanted you to come home. I thought-" she trails off, looking at him like she thinks disappearing is exactly what he's going to do. "I thought you'd go. Soul Society is your home. You belong there."

"Don't go tellin' me where I belong. If I wanna roam around this shithole in a gigai workin' some stupid human job then that's what I'm gonna do n' ya can't say anythin' about it. It's my choice. 'Sides, they didn' offer ya a place."

She tilts her head to the side, giving him a strange look. "Why does that matter?"

Shinji heaves a long sigh. "Ya really don get it, d'ya? Ya can be so dense sometimes, Strawberry. We're stayin' here for _you._ We ain't goin' no where if ya can't come with us, kid. Not again. Understand?"

"Really?" Her tone is unsure, still not quite believing him.

"Really. Hiyori n' Lisa really laid inta 'em. Shoulda seen it. Told 'em exactly where ta stick it. The looks on their faces were priceless."

Ichigo looks at him for another long moment, searching, before nodding.

"So...you'll be here then?" The childish hope in her voice making his heart clench.

"As long as ya want us here." And even if she didn't. "We even have a real house now. No more drafty warehouse for us."

Ichigo's face scrunches up at this. "What, really?"

"Yes, really. It's kinda old, but big enough for all of us," he says, watching her reaction.

"Hm. That's nice."

Sometimes he forgets Ichigo is a little slow on the uptake.

" _All_ of us, Ichi. Including you, if that's somethin' ya want ta think about. We left a room empty n' everythin'." He pauses to let that sink in before speaking again. "We'd be happy ta have ya."

Ichigo tenses.

"What? Ya don't want ta live with us?"

"No, no. That's not it. It's just...why would you want me to move in? I don't want to be a bother."

The unspoken 'I don't want to get attached in case you decide to abandon me too' is heard loud and clear.

Shinji sighs again. "Well, like I said. It's your decision. Ya don't have ta, just throwin' out the option." He stands up, stretching out his limbs after sitting for so long and looks up at the sky. "Alright, let's get goin'."

Ichigo blinks. "Huh? Go where?"

"The house. It's about ta downpour out here. Unless ya wanna stay out in the rain?" He begins walking and motions for Ichigo to follow him. "'Sides. School's almost over n' done with anyways. No point in draggin' your truant ass back there, right? Might as well go do somethin'."

Ichigo doesn't say anything to this, and for a moment Shinji isn't sure if she's actually going to come with him or not. But then he hears the soft footsteps come up beside him and feels a smaller hand slip into his own. The last time she held his hand had been the first day of second grade, right before she got to the school and declared she was a big girl, Shinji-nii, and didn't need to hold anyone's hand anymore!

He gives her hand a gentle squeeze and doesn't comment on it.

.

Getting Ichigo to move in is like trying to befriend a skittish little stray animal whose been through too much and doesn't quite know how to react to being offered affection and love. It's a long process that requires patience and effort, and seems a little hopeless at times. But they're up to the challenge.

She comes and goes she pleases, slinking in and out of the house at all hours of the day and night.

They don't always notice her at first. She always appears when they least expect it, hovering in doorways or curled up on the couch when she hadn't been there before or suddenly appearing behind them and scaring the shit out of them (not that they'll admit it). One morning they find her asleep in the hammock out back. They have no idea how long she has been there, but they just throw a blanket over her and let her be. At least she's sleeping comfortably.

She'll accept food if it's offered, but never goes in the kitchen to get it herself. They make it a point to keep her favorites on hand.

Occasionally she'll sleep in her allotted room if she stays too late they can convince her to spend the night instead of walking home. By the time they wake up she's already slipped out the door again. But honestly, they're okay with this. They're not going to force her to stay. Ichigo's already had too many choices taken away from her. They simply give her space (after she flips the fuck out about their constant hovering and stalking), feed her occasionally, and make sure she's warm and okay whenever she stops by.

They give Ichigo her own key to the house for the rare cases when at least one of them isn't there, just so she knows she's always welcome.

After about two months of this, their patience pays off. Once Ichigo realizes that all they're going to do is feed her, talk to her, and give her a warm place to stay whenever she needs or wants it, she starts to relax around them.

Her bedroom gains a lived in feel. Her things from her room at the Kurosaki house slowly migrating to her new room. A jacket left on the back of the couch and school books at the table where she had been studying the night before. She no longer waits to be fed and raids the kitchen, often stealing Hiyori's favorite yogurt and running out the door with it before the shorter girl can catch her.

Ichigo even starts to demand attention from them instead of waiting for them to notice her.

And then one day she comes over, and simply doesn't leave.

Truthfully, getting the kid to move in came with less of a fight than they expected.

If anyone outside of their home notices her sudden absence, no one bothers to come looking.

.

 _Obsessive-Compulsive_

 _1\. of or relating to a personality style characterized by perfectionism, indecision, conscientiousness, concern with detail, rigidity, and inhibition._

 _2\. Psychiatry. of or relating to a neurosis characterized by persistent intrusion of unwanted thoughts (obsessions) or the performance of actions, as repeated hand-washing, that one is unable to stop (compulsions)._

The first thing that tips them off that something has gone horribly wrong in the time they spent away from Ichigo is her obsession with the lock on her bedroom door.

The house didn't have locks on the bedroom doors when they moved in and none of them thought anything of it. Years of living together had gotten rid of any awkwardness between them. None of them were really bothered by the possibly of having someone walk in on them. But Ichigo threw a fit.

When she first started sleeping over she would shove anything she could in front of the door so it would be hard to open. Once she started living there on a regular basis, she insisted on a lock.

"What the hell do you need a lock for? It's not like we're gonna go in and mess with your stuff kid," Kensei says gruffly from his place at the table, eyebrows raised.

"Because I want a lock," she mumbles, moving the food around on her plate but not making a move to eat.

"Do you have something to hide?" Lisa asks, peering at the girl from over the top of her manga.

Ichigo sinks down in her seat, shoulders hunched. "I would just rather have a door that locks."

"Oh come on, squirt! What's the big deal? It's just us-" Hiyori begins, only to be cut off by a sudden burst of anger from the orangette. Her first slams into the table, causing the dishes on it to shake and startling everyone.

"Because I want a fucking lock! What's so damn hard to understand about that!" Her voice is loud with a slight hysterical edge to it.

"Oi! Calm down, there's no need ta-"

"Just forget it!" Ichigo stomps out of the room and then the house before anyone can stop her.

"Berry-tan is really upset about the lock," Mashiro says quietly, staring at the place Ichigo had just been sitting, a thoughtful look on her face. "I wonder why."

Love sighs. "Maybe we should just give the kid the lock? If it's that important to her." Hachi hums in agreement.

When Ichigo finally returns later that night, a shiny new lock has been installed on her door. No one brings up the lock or her outburst from earlier. They pretend it never happened. Even when they can hear her lock, jiggle, unlock, and repeat at the door about fifteen times every night before bed.

The second thing that makes them raise a brow is her obsession with cleanliness.

They regularly return home to all the rooms in the house- sans their bedrooms which Ichigo never enters without express permission- freshly cleaned and sanitized. Household surfaces damn near sparkle in the light she cleans them so thoroughly. It's slightly disconcerting since teenagers are notoriously messy creatures who often need to be bribed to do things. But not Ichigo. The girl simply cannot handle things she feels to be "unclean", spending hours obsessing and scrubbing over everything to get ride of the perceived filth. Including the dirt she seems to believe is on her person.

When she comes out of the shower, her skin is scrubbed red and raw, bleeding in some places. They're all rightly horrified by this behavior.

"What were you thinking, Ichigo?" Hachi scolds gently, healing the damage to her burned and bleeding skin.

Ichigo shrugs, not meeting his eyes. "I want to feel clean."

"You don't need to scrub this hard to be clean. You're tearing your skin open."

"If you scrub hard enough, for a little while, you can't feel them," she replies, and then winces like she hadn't meant for that to come out.

Hachi's mouth opens and closes as he stares at her in horror, his healing kido fading as he loses concentration. The chatter behind him ceases immediately as everyone gleans the possible meanings behind those words. There is a thick, tense silence in the room before the pink haired takes a deep breath, schools his features, and goes back to healing her damaged skin.

"Okay," he says, calmly. "Okay."

Things are definitely not okay.

.

It is decided that Lisa should be the one to gently pose the question they all want the answer to.

Sitting in the yard one afternoon, two cups of untouched hot chocolate between them, the bespectacled woman tries to think of the right way to say this, without making the orangette completely shut down and bolt.

"Ichigo."

"Hm?"

"You remember those talks we had when you were younger, correct?"

Big brown eyes stare at the woman in confusion. Her response comes out as more of a question than an answer. "Yeah?"

"And you know that if anyone does _anything_ you're not comfortable with, you can always tell us?"

And as soon as those words leave her mouth, Lisa knows that this is not going to go well. She watches as Ichigo quickly clams up, any emotions she might be feeling hidden behind her usual moody teenager mask.

" _I'm fine,_ " she practically hisses. "Nothing happened. Why can't you guys just drop it already!?"

"Ichigo-"

"I don't have anything to tell you!"

But what the kid doesn't notice is that her reaction told them everything they needed to know. Well, almost everything.

.

Just as he's finally dozing off, a knock on Shinji's door startles him into full alertness.

"Shinji-nii? Are you awake?"

He groans, sitting up in bed, stifling a yawn. "Yeah, Ichi. I'm awake," he calls, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

His door creaks open and Ichigo carefully steps into the room, stopping near the door. Her head is bowed and she's fidgeting nervously, tugging at the arms of her long sleeved sleep shirt.

"Whattaya still doin' up? It's-" he glances at the clock, "3 in the mornin'." Jesus Christ, three in the morning. Fuck him.

"Can I stay with you?" she blurts out quickly.

Shinji blinks, not sure he heard her correctly. "Huh?"

"I-" she pauses, taking a shaky breath, and Shinji can feel the anxiety and fear leaking off her in her reiatsu. "I had a nightmare."

His eyes soften and any agitation he felt at being woken up instantly fades as he regards her trembling form. He expected this. They all did. He had been prepared for the nightmares, the screaming, the tears. But up until this point, there hadn't been anything. Just complete silence from Ichigo's room every night. It seems that, like most problems, Ichigo is good at hiding them from other people.

"C'mere, kid," he says, lifting the blanket.

Ichigo hesitates for only a minute before scurrying to the bed and diving onto it, scooting over until she's as close to him as humanly possible. Chuckling lightly, he carefully pulls the blanket up and tucks it around her, then eases himself back down, throwing an arm over her and holding her close.

"Better?" he asks.

"Mhmm," she hums, trying to snuggle even closer, if that's even possible.

They lay there in silence until Ichigo's shaking finally subsides and she begins to relax, seemingly beginning to fall asleep. Shinji waits a few more moments, just to see if she's going to stir, before allowing himself to start drifting off again as well. And just as his eyes close, he hears it.

"Shinji-nii?" Her voice is barely above a whisper.

Suppressing a groan, he opens his eyes again. "Hm?"

"Am I bad person?"

Well, now he's really awake.

"Why would ya think somethin' like that, Ichi?"

Ichigo doesn't answer at first, staring at nothing and tugging at a lose string in the blanket. But when she does, Shinji finds his vision suddenly clouded by red.

"If I'm not a bad person, why does my dad hurt me?"

One calming breath, and then another. He can barely hear anything over Sakanade roaring in his mind. "I don't know, kiddo. I don't know..."

But what he does know, is that Isshin is a dead man in the morning.


End file.
